better read this! Thanks to FB buddy, G for sharing.
"Most
diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people.
For
those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there
is
the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans!
Except for
cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of
table scraps --
most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite).
the Cat Miracle Diet
will help you achieve the same lean, svelte
figure. Just follow this
diet for one week and you'll find that
you not only look and feel
better, but you will have a whole new
outlook on what constitutes food.
Good Luck!
DAY
ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any
flavor as long
as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4
cup on your plate. Eat
1 bite of food; look around room
disdainfully. Knock the rest on the
floor. Stare at the wall for
awhile before stalking off into the other
room.
Lunch: Four
blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on
the
cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play
with it until it is almost dead. Eat one
wing. Leave the rest to
die.
Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or
partner's
plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the
refrigerator.
Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it.
Leave the other
half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet
cat food from the can
you opened this morning.
DAY
TWO
Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the
sofa. Knock
it onto the carpet and bat it under the television
set. Chew on the
corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner
tries to read it.
Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread
that you bought as your part
of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick
the top of it all over. Take one
bite out of the middle of the
loaf.
Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into
the house. Play
toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half
dead. Allow it to
escape under the bed.
Dinner: Open a
fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or
beef works
well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge
of
the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it
as
you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.
DAY
THREE
Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or
partner's
cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it
on the closest
polished aluminum appliance you can find.
Lunch:
Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top
of
your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously
injured
but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to
have to deal
with.
Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given
some ice cream or milk in a
bowl of your own. Take three
licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on
the floor.
FINAL
DAY
Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a
collection of
legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink
lots of water. Throw
the bugs and all of the water up on your
spouse's or partner's pillow.
Lunch: Remove the chicken skin
from last night's chicken-to-go
leftovers your spouse or partner
placed in the trash can. Drag the skin
across the floor several
times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
Dinner: Open
another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor
that is
especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off
all
the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard."
If you picture that future, be advised: above represents your new truth!
No comments:
Post a Comment